Trouble flares up at Hamsters bash

POLICE quizzed players following trouble at west ham’s end of season awards night, but officers said the trouble could have got a lot worse.
Fans and players clashed after a player, reportedly Demba Ba, refused to sign an autograph because he was “too tired”.
Det Con Taunton Mishap, of the Metropolitan Police minor and silly crimes unit, exclusively told All At Sea that events could easily have taken a more sinister turn.
Det Con Mishap said: “It is a relief that Demba Ba does not have a longer name. If he is too tired to sign a two-letter surname, we believe his mood could have been even darker if his surname was, say, Hitzlsperger.”
Mr Mishap also said that violence following the incident could have been far more severe.
Robert Green reportedly picked up a chair to throw, but fortunately dropped it as he was about to lob it in the direction of a foamy-mouthed supporter.
Another rabid Hamsters followed threw a glass at the custodian, but luckily it went underneath his body.
A vase is said to have been “high-kicked” off a table by a fan, and Mr Mishap confirmed that an even-more-fragile Kieron Dyer was just inches away from the angry fan’s boot at the time.
When asked if the man kicking the vase was definitely a fan and not a player, Mr Mishap confirmed that it certainly wasn’t Carlton Cole, as he would have missed.
Scott Parker was missing from the fraca as he had already left in a cab, reportedly headed for White Hart Lane.
Following their end-of-season gala dinner 30 hours after the club threw away their Premiership status in spectacular fashion, west ham’s players will embark on their open-top bus parade this weekend.
This article is meant to be humorous and is not factually correct. The very fact I have to write this disclaimer shows you what a sorry state our society is in.

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